Coping with Infertility
You’ve made love almost every day this month, last month and the month before. You’ve tried every trick, every potion and you’re still not pregnant. You’re devastated and feel that all hopes of having that precious baby have been dashed.
You’re not alone, as one in ten women are infertile. Reports suggest 80 million people worldwide, struggle to have children. That doesn’t make it easier does it?
Trying to fall pregnant and failing time and again can have a devastating effect on your self esteem and your relationship with your partner. You may find that you’re also shunning friends, who have several beautiful children, because it’s too painful to watch their happiness. You become angry; why should you not have a baby, when child abusers, drug addicts and teenage girls fall pregnant all the time?
Infertility is defined as the inability to fall pregnant, despite having unprotected sex for 12 months. Women older than 35, should visit their doctors after failing to conceive after six months.
What causes infertility? Well, there are a number of reasons. Many women are deciding to postpone motherhood until their late 30’s to focus on their careers. Unfortunately though, fertility drops dramatically from the age of 35 and it’s even more difficult (although not impossible) to fall pregnant when you’re in your 40’s.
Late motherhood also brings with it added risks, such as increased incidents of miscarriage and Downs Syndrome. But remember there are hundreds of healthy, happy children who have been born to older moms.
There are also several medical reasons, as to why you can’t conceive. You’ll need to visit your gynaecologist to establish whether you have a problem with ovulation, blocked fallopian tubes or whether you suffer from Endometriosis. Your partner may have a number of medical problems including a low sperm count.
Begin by researching as much as you can about your specific condition. Ask lots of questions like, is it possible to eventually fall pregnant with a healthy baby? How long could it take? What effect will the procedures have on your body? How much will it cost? What if you still don’t fall pregnant?
You’ll then need to sit down with your partner and decide what course of action you’d like to take. Are you prepared to go through what many couples have described as an emotional rollercoaster ride? Will you work together as a team through this period?
Consider joining an infertility support group. It’ll give you peace of mind that others are going through the exact same thing. Other couples will also be able to advise you on the procedure that has been the most effective for them.
You also need to decide exactly how long you’ll keep having procedures and how much you’re prepared to spend on your desire to have a baby.
As you realize that falling pregnant is becoming increasingly difficult and your doctor has confirmed that you do have a problem, allow yourself to be sad or angry. You may blame yourself for waiting too long to have a baby or for having a body that’s failing you. But don’t be hard on yourself. The past is in the past and you need to look forward. Research has shown that a stressed, unhappy woman will struggle more to fall pregnant than someone who’s content, happy or positive. That’s easier said than done, but it is something to aim for. Happiness.